TheBeginning

As a new mom, I was filled with many uncertainties.  I had never been the one responsible for making sure a newborn was taken care of around the clock.  It was very difficult in the beginning.  I had no idea that what I was about to be faced with, would be more than ordinary.  

Corby had problems latching for breastfeeding.  When he finally did latch, he decided that he wasn't going to stop.  All. Night. Long.  He craved it, and after about a week, it was the only thing that stopped his cries.  He refused the bottle after that night, so I was then his only source of nourishment.  I was okay with that.  That's what I signed up for, and that's what I fought for.  But I did not know that I would also be the only one able to stop his cries 90% of the time.  

A typical day would start around 6am when he would finally fuss enough to get me out of bed.  I would sit in the rocking chair and nurse him for about 45 minutes.  Then I would go about my day, trying to get a shower, eat breakfast, maybe do some cleaning, then around two hours after the first feeding, he would want another one.  And again, he ate for 45 minutes straight.  During those two hour breaks, he was a very fussy baby.  He wanted to be held all the time.  The swing was good, but not as good as mommy.  My baby carrier became my best friend.  That's how my day continued.  All day.  Every day.  At night I would nurse him to sleep.  He couldn't calm himself, and rocking him wasn't enough.  He'd sleep in his bassinet or crib till around 12:30am, then nurse.  Then awake again around 3:00, then nurse.  And yes, those sessions lasted 45 minutes too.  This didn't just go on in the beginning, but for a whole year.  Even when he started solids, this was the same routine.  He refused most baby foods, but he loved snacks.  He refused all straws, bottles, and sippy cups.  He wanted to nurse all day and all night.  

I had many people telling me to just let him cry, eventually he'll fall asleep.  I tried it, but after four hours of crying one night, I gave in and got him.  I am so glad I did!  At the time I felt like a failure as a mother.  What kind of mother am I if I can't even get my son to go to sleep at night?  What kind of mother can't get her son to eat baby food?  But Corby was still growing, still thriving, and his check ups were always good.  I couldn't figure out why my son was so difficult.  Friends and family would tell me that he would grow out of it, or that he's a normal baby, but I knew better.  Call it mother's intuition, Divine intervention, or something else, but I knew there was a reason.  Turns out, it was a reason that I didn't even know existed.  I recently found out that these were the beginning signs of Corby's sensory processing disorder, or SPD.

My son is now three, and he just got diagnosed with SPD about a month ago.  I had never heard of it till I started noticing things that were different about him.  

I created this blog mostly for me, to organize my thoughts about this long, emotionally draining process.  This is also a great avenue to keep friends and family updated on Corby's progress.  But at the same time, I hope that it can help a mom or two out there.  Maybe something isn't quite right with their child.  Maybe people are telling this mom to discipline more, force feed, or physically make the child do something to get it done.  Maybe this mom has concerns about her child, but has no idea how to put her concerns into words, and her friends and family dismiss them just as mine did.  Hopefully I can help that mom.